We all do it

We all do it. We don’t mean to, but we do.

The audience and judges sneered when contestant Susan Boyle walked on stage on Britain's Got Talent. When she started to sing, the sneering quickly turned to awe. In the days that followed, discussions took place about how superficial we all were to laugh at her, since it turned out she possessed exceptional talent. The consensus seemed to be that, as Ms. Boyle was an extraordinary singer, it was wrong to snicker at her perceived lack of social graces and unglamorous appearance.

Hmmm…so, it’s OK to laugh at someone who looks different and who doesn’t possess exceptional talent?

A mother with a happy, smiling baby with Down Syndrome overhears other mothers talking in the park, “There but for the grace of God go I.”

A family with a child with Down Syndrome is less graced by God? Really?

On The Tonight Show, President Obama discussed his bowling score of 129 with some self-deprecating humor, "It was like Special Olympics or something."

I wonder….would this thoughtful leader have put himself down in jest by saying "Man, I bowl like a girl!" I doubt it; he knows in his heart one doesn’t put down another or even oneself, by calling someone “a girl.” And, if he slipped, Americans across the country would let him know that girls are not inferior beings.

An article in the May 2009 Diabetes Forecast focuses on the discrimination in employment against people with diabetes. It is an informative discussion about the necessity of the Americans with Disabilities Act Amendment Act and its protection of workers’ rights However, the author, almost in hushed tones, seems to need to make the point that people with diabetes aren’t really disabled. They just need the law to have a fair workplace.

What’s so terrible about having a disability, about being in that group? What’s so terrible about needing an accommodation to level the playing field, to do the essential functions of one’s job? The unemployment rate among people who are blind is 70%. Provide accommodation for insulin, snacks, and low blood sugar, but not provide text-to-read programs or Braille accommodations?

Why do we not want to be seen to be like others who are different? Can we not look a little harder to see that we share a common humanity?

Violence against children and adults with noticeable differences is much higher than against those without noticeable differences; it is prevalent in our neighborhoods, our schools, our homes. One Texas institution even ran a coordinated “fight club,” treating their clients like dog-fighting entertainment.

We, of course, don’t condone this violence, we may not even see its enormity. But we need to be aware of it. When people are beaten because of race, religion, or sexual orientation, it’s classified as a hate crime. Can we not demand that beating of people with disabilities be treated similarly?

Legislative opportunities to support our citizens with disabilities abound. The Community Choice Act would allow people the option to receive support services in the home. The United Nations Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities recognizes the essential human rights of all people. The convention has been open for signatures for more than two years, and 139 countries have signed, but not the United States.

Where are our priorities?


On this Blogging Against Disablism Day, I ask myself – where is my ableism? How do I reflect the deeply ingrained prejudices of my culture? Where am I an ableist in my individual actions? In my community actions?

I give you the same challenge. Ask the tough questions.



This post is part of a worldwide blogging phenomenon, Blogging Against Disablism Day. Be sure to head over to Diary of a Goldfish to read more perspectives on ableism/disablism. Thanks, Goldfish for your extraordinary efforts again this year.

Links: my BADD 2007 post and BADD 2008 post

Mistaken Identity

I've seen it happen to able-bodied people once in awhile. Someone approaches and starts a conversation, and after a moment or two of confusion, there's a realization that the approaching person has mistaken my friend or family member for someone else – someone of the same race, similar height and weight, similar age, similar facial characteristics.

“I’m not who you think I am; you’ve got me mixed up with someone else.”

Humbly backing away, the bewildered individual is embarrassed and apologetic, “How silly of me! I’m so sorry.”

It might be surprising to hear that I have never been confused with a person of my same build, same age, same facial characteristics, same race. But, I, a brown-eyed, light-brown-haired white male, have been confused with males significantly larger than me, smaller than me, older than me, younger than me, and surprisingly, even of different ethnicities! A blond child, I was often mistaken in my own school by teachers, staff, and students for a dark complexioned student of Laotian descent who was much smaller than me, or, with an older blue eyed student who was 40-50 pounds heavier than me. Over the years, I have been mistaken as well for a black male and a male of Egyptian descent by people who know one or both of us. And, when I travel, strangers often mistake me for someone they know; it’s a regular part of visiting a new place.

My silliest incident of mistaken identity occurred when I was an audience member at a theatrical production. The show’s lead actor, onstage for most of the 2 ½ hour production, had just completed his final bow. The curtain closed; the lights came up and the crowd slowly started to leave the packed auditorium. A woman maneuvered her way over to me and said, “You have a wonderful voice.” She kept talking, and it took me a few minutes to process that she had confused me with the lead actor, a black-haired teenager of Indian descent with a very small build. Not only would the actor still have been in full costume, he would have had to do a major leap over the audience to get to the back of the theatre in such a short time.

How could this happen, you wonder? Why these repeated bizarre mix-ups??

Because in all these cases, both I and the person I am mistaken for, use a wheelchair.

And, in most cases, after I tell the offender, “You have me mixed up with someone else,” the response is not apologetic. No embarrassment. Just a laugh at the “coincidence” of it all. They seem to think that theirs was an obvious, easy, natural mistake that anyone would make.

You see, when you use a wheelchair, some people don’t look you in the eye, don’t take in your personal physical characteristics, let alone see you as a unique distinct complex individual. They see the equipment, not the person.

And this inability to see is where ableism starts.

I have come to believe that seeing someone for only the equipment, or for just one piece of his or her external appearance, is a root cause of discrimination. Seeing a wheelchair, a white cane, a speech impediment, a gender, a skin color and then making an assumption that we now know the individual gets us into trouble. When we believe that we know someone’s identity and that they and their “group” are one, not only are we wrong, we are arrogant and we open the door to justifying to ourselves our superiority. There begins the slippery descent down into the swamp of dehumanization.

If you have a story about mistaken identity, feel free to share it in the comments.

Be sure to check out the other posts for Blogging Against Disablism Day 2008. Thanks Goldfish for once again organizing this amazing event!

Calling you: Blog against ableism/disablism!

On May 1, Goldfish will host the 3rd Blogging Against Disablism Day. (You can check out the last two B.A.D.D.s from the links in my sidebar.) This is a day of coming together to write about discrimination against persons with disabilities, also known as ableism or disablism. Last year more than 170 people wrote on a range of topics covering personal experiences, societal experiences, education, health, children, intersections with racism and sexism and more.

I really encourage YOU to share your thoughts and experiences. If you have a blog, read the details and sign up over at Diary of a Goldfish. If you don't have a blog, I'd be happy to post your writing here - just send me an email (address in my profile). This is a time for solidarity and support of one another. I especially encourage parents and allies to contribute. You don't have to have a disability to be opposed to discrimination against people with disabilities. All are welcome.

A note on language - there is a whole assortment of language about disability - handicapped, disabled, disability, etc. etc. May 1 is a day of language amnesty, write in the way that works for you. Goldfish has put together a language guide for reference.

Hope to see you May 1!

Thoughts on Blogging Against Disablism Day

Tuesday’s Blogging Against Disablism Day was a rousing success. I have read posts that were thought provoking, sad, insightful, funny, and informative - all exploring the many varied aspects and perspectives on disablism. Thanks to everybody who read and commented on my post.

I feel enriched, encouraged and invigorated.

I didn’t really have favorites from the day. Each post was unique - it's worth reading every single one.

Here’s a sampling of quotes from the day:

"Bullies and teachers had made it very clear to me which of my traits were desirable and which were not. Every time I saw myself I saw all those undesirable traits to my disgust and shame."

"He was my grandpa who had gone blind but that was somehow different from him being a blind person to me at that time."

"In fact, the U.S. Supreme Court has been so hostile to disability rights that Congress has started to consider legislation that's aimed at restoring the employment discrimination oversight powers to the ADA."

"So how did anyone get the idea that it's abnormal to need services?"

"Maybe labor and delivery rooms would sound like this,
'It's a boy! No hair, dark eyes, 46 chromosomes! Congratulations'
or
'It's a girl! Blond curly hair, blue eyes, and 47 chromosomes! Congratulations!'"


"OK, then. Where are you all? Where are the hordes and hordes of disabled bloggers of colour? Huh? What? Where are you?”

"Your finally getting married to the love of your life. Do you:-
(a) Hold your wedding at a restaurant without an elevator, with multiple stairs over many different levels so that your nephew, who is a power chair user, can’t attend.
(b) Invite your neice to be your bridesmaid, knowing that her brother won’t be there to watch her.
(c) Tell your nephew’s family, when they offer to pay the difference it would cost you to change the venue to a more powerchair friendly place, that the day is not about your nephew - it’s about you.
(d) Consider your family and hold the reception in an accessible restaurant/venue so that the whole family can enjoy the day and watch you get married."

“Having chronic, invisible & controversial diagnoses also makes you aware that there’s a hierarchy of ‘acceptable’ illnesses.”

“Note that, discrimination against disabled people (at Ellis Island)wasn't a benign oversight, nor an unforeseen consequence of broader policy--disability discrimination was the policy.”

“So where are the self-reflective posts by nondisabled folks about ability, bodily privilege, fear of people with cognitive disabilities, or even angst about becoming impaired? Where is the recognition of participating in and privileging from an ableist culture?”

"We have a couple of people in our lives that have that "deer in the headlights" look whenever they're around us."

"So, there I am, in my wheelchair, waiting to cross the road. The total stranger next to me, having had a good, long, sideways stare, eventually says, “So what’s wrong with you then?”
My options would appear to be:
tell them what my disability is - which is no secret, but really none of their sodding business
say 'You first - what’s wrong with you?' - which will confirm them in their opinion that all disabled people are peculiar and embittered - after all, they were just trying to be nice!"


“. . . what if there was ableist discrimination, if the able-bodied encountered whispers, inaccessible buildings and transport, stares, intrusive and rude comments, and more?”(great 3 minute video demonstrating this point)

Sandbox Lessons

I was listening to the song, “You’ve Got to be Carefully Taught” from the musical South Pacific. The song asserts that children are not born racist, they must learn to be racist. I think that same truth applies to ableism. Children are not born believing that some differences make a person inferior; they have to be taught. It's easy to see how Jerry Lewis’s Muscular Dystrophy Telethon, inaccessible buildings, overt discrimination, or the common use of words such as "retard" or "cripple" teach ableism. It is more challenging to realize that even well-intentioned people, themselves products of the culture we live in, can inadvertently foster the ableist paradigm in children.

My mom remembers a telling story that took place on an ordinary day many years ago. My two sisters and I were about 4 years old at the time (we’re triplets) and were playing in our backyard sandbox. It was a warm, sunny summer afternoon. My sisters were running back and forth between the sandbox and the hose to get water for our sandcastles. I was lying on my stomach, as I often did, playing in the sand with my hands, my shovel, and my truck. We were laughing and having fun.

Unbeknownst to my sisters and me, a six year old boy who was visiting our next door neighbors was intently watching us through the chain link fence.

At some point, one of my sisters went near the fence, and the boy asked her, “Does he walk?”

My mom says she held her breath, ready to jump into the conversation and stand up for me. Ever the advocate, she would've said something sappy like, “He can’t walk, but he's really good at playing in the sand.”

Had my protective grandparents been around, one of them might have scolded the boy, “Hey! That’s a rude question!”

An educator or social worker, seeing a potential peer socialization experience for me, might have answered with a heavy, deliberate sigh, “No… he's not able to walk.” Then with forced enthusiasm, “Why don't you go play with him? It doesn't have to be very long, just a few minutes. You'll feel good helping the boy."

A healthcare provider, intending to minimize the importance of physical differences, might have lectured the boy on my condition of cerebral palsy, "The motor area of his brain was damaged because he was born too early. This damage causes him not to have good control of his arms and legs. Even though his body is different from our bodies, he's really just like us.”

The boy's dad, not wanting his son to be offensive or rude, might have pulled his son away from the fence, “Shhh…. Don't stare! Don't make him feel bad."

On the surface, these responses to the boy's question may seem appropriate. But imagine, if you will, the boy at the fence asking my sister a different question. Suppose he asked, "does he have red hair?"

"No, he doesn't, but he's really good at playing in the sand."

"Hey! That's a rude question!"

Heavy sigh, “No… he doesn't have red hair.” Forced enthusiasm, “Why don't you go play with him? It doesn't have to be very long, just a few minutes. You'll feel good helping the boy."

"He’s genetically heterozygous for the brown haired trait. Even though his body is different from our bodies, he's really just like us.”

“Shhh…. Don't stare! Don't make him feel bad."


So, how did the four year old's and six year old’s interaction play out that sunny summer day?

Not assuming any hidden meaning to the boy’s “Does he walk?", my sister simply said, "no."

The boy accepted her simple answer to his simple question. Then he moved on to his more important question, "Can I play? We could use my yellow dump truck to move the sand.”

The boy, and soon the neighbor kids, came over. The sand castles got bigger, the laughter louder. We all had a great time.


Be sure to check out the many other posts for Blogging Against Disablism Day. Thanks, Goldfish for organizing this event.

Tomorrow is Blogging Against Disablism Day

In One in Seven, Lady Bracknell writes an excellent lead-up post to Blogging Against Disablism Day which highlights the many aspects of diversity among people with disabilities.

“We are, without a shadow of a doubt, the most diverse minority group on the planet. We are everywhere you look, and yet you do not see us."

I'll have a post for tomorrow, and I hope you'll check out Diary of a Goldfish tomorrow for all the links.

(A few facts - In the U.K., Lady Bracknell says one in seven people had a disability; in the U.S., it's one in five. And, in the U.K., they use the term, "disablism”; in the US we use the term "ableism".)

Blogging Against Disablism Day

Tuesday, May 1 will be the 2nd Blogging Against Disablism Day. (The U.K. uses the term "disablism"; we in the U.S. use the term "ableism".) The 1st Blogging Against Disablism Day happened last year on May 1, before I was blogging. 147 bloggers participated, blogging about a variety of issues from language to employment to education to cultural expectations and more. This year, there should be an even bigger turnout, and I encourage all bloggers - able-bodied or disabled - to participate. I especially hope that many of the parent bloggers will join in on this special day, so that we can all unite behind this important human rights issue.

You can get more information at Diary of a Goldfish, and also find all the details about participation there. Thanks, Goldfish for being such a great organizer.